


Silly Skeleton, Pies are for Kids!

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Other, Pie, asriel sans bonding time, ecto dick mentions, goat dick mentions, its important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5972938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toriel and Frisk go out to run errands one day, leaving Asriel to want to do something nice for them. Only thing is, he forgot that he lived with the one skeleton who thought he had the rights to hit on his mom. But could they actually find some common ground to work on and make this pie?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silly Skeleton, Pies are for Kids!

"Wake up."

Sans stood over the goat prince sleeping away peacefully in his bed, his eye sockets remaining their usual wide-eyed stare as Asriel's beady red eyes blinked open in terror at the sight above him.  Wow, there was something oddly satisfying about seeing the kid about to piss his pants.  Neat.

"I'm gonna assume you forgot," the skeleton chuckled as he grinned wider, standing up straight while keeping eye contact, "last night you said you were gonna make a pie for Tori and Frisk while they went out doing errands today.  Well, they just left thirty minutes ago, which negates any time that they'd have to do a turnaround in case they forgot anything, so I'd say we've gotta get a move on so the pie is cool enough for when they get back or else we're both baked."

Asriel blinked and settled himself up a bit, feeling a shiver run down his spine. Damn, there was...really something unsettling about that guy. What did Toriel see in him? "Yeah, I get it...you didn't have to be the one to wake me up, though." Asriel looked to the side and quickly pushed the bottle of lube off of the nightstand, sitting himself up and keeping the blankets draped over him. "G-Go on, leave for a sec--I have to get decent. You know, unless you want to see the massive goat dick that I possess, which you shouldn't."

"Hey, be thankful I decided to wake you," Sans put up his hands in defense as he backed up from the haughty teen, "I was gonna film your snoring, but decided Frisk's already acquainted enough with it.  Come meet me in the kitchen when you're ready, I've gotten started on prep." With that, he was out of the bedroom and in the kitchen, getting on a step stool so he could work on the products on the counter with ease.

Asriel huffed and finally got himself out of bed, reaching for the boxers and throwing them on before deciding to head into the kitchen. He instantly looked over at Sans, and was greeted with a sight that he really couldn't help but snicker at. A stool...Sans really was the shortest one in the family--assuming he was in the family. Which he wasn't.

Sans was just short.

"This should be easy. Golly, the sooner we're done, the sooner we don't have to spend anymore time together!"

Sans raised an eye socket at the comment, removing his finger from the electric mixer currently bringing apart the components of the batter that would make up the pie.  "Are ya sure you wanna fill the pie with that kinda attitude?" The skeleton soundly questioned.  "Not that I could stop you.  If that's what you really want to tell your mom and Frisk with this pie, that you don't want to spend time with them anymore, that's your decision."

Asriel blinked and looked down, letting out a sigh--Sans, for once, was right. "You're mean," he uttered, a bit thankful that Sans was out here baking. In truth, he...really couldn't make a tasty pie if his life depended on it. "What kind are we making, anyway? Snail? Er...not snail. Snail pie is only tasty when mom makes it."

"Nah," Sans shook his head and started mixing again, humming a light tune all the while, "it's butterscotch-cinnamon, Frisk's favorite." It always tasted best when Tori made it, and whenever she did was what Sans looked forward to most, but ever since she taught him the recipe, Sans had tried his best to make it the same, and so far, he'd gotten pretty damn close.  "Do your part and make sure the stove's the right temp?  Oh, and grab me the pan while you're at it."

"Fine," Asriel spoke and walked over to the oven, preheating it for the other and reaching for the pan. "This one good?" Maybe...they could actually get along today. For Frisk and Toriel's sake. Maybe, just maybe, he could forget the gross squishy sex noises that he made with his mom and look for the good in Sans.

If there was any.

"It'll do," Sans admitted, nodding towards the fridge, "there's some dough in the fridge, if you wanna roll out the crust." Surely the kid knew how to do that at least, right?  If he didn't well...Eh, it wasn't that bad if he had to show him...It was just weird that they were trying to get along at all.

"Uh...yeah." Asriel did as he was told and tilted his head, not noticing the rolling pin on the table. Ah...Frisk normally just used their hands without one, right? It would be the same for him, right? He quickly began working on the dough without thinking, sighing under his breath. "Maybe you should. It's all furry."

Sans turned around and stared at the dough, now covered entirely in fur.  "Woah, did that seem reasonable to you?!" He rushed over and looked at the flattened dough, picking out a piece of fur.  "Um...Seems we've gotten ourselves into a fuzzy situation, haven't we?  Eugh, if you're gonna do that, we've got some oven mitts you can put on.  Oh, and there's a rolling pin over there--" Sans looked up at the kid, staring for a second before motioning for him to come back over.  "With this," he demonstrated with the bowl and mixer, "all you gotta do is press a button and stir it around.  Don't go fast, or you'll wear the stuff.  Just do it enough until everything's nice and mixed, and then you can even lick the batter from the whisks.  I'm gonna take care of the dough situation, okay?"

Asriel nodded and let out a sigh as he proceeded to do what the other asked of him, mixing and hoping that he was doing well--of course he was. Mom would be proud of him, wouldn't she? He...he was trying his best!! He enviously stared over at the skeleton and leaned back a bit, shaking his head. Ever since Sans started seducing Toriel with his awful puns, things had gone downhill. And here he was, bonding with him, of all things.

Once he finally fixed the dough and placed it in the pan, Sans turned back to see how Asriel managed the mix.  "Hey," he tapped the goat's arm, since he couldn't reach his shoulder, "it's looking good.  Now all we need to do is pour it in the pan.  Think you can handle that?"

"Of course I can." He reached for the bowl and walked closer to the pan, watching as the mix travelled easily from the bowl to the pan. He was capable, wasn't he? More capable than a stool-using skeleton. "That's done. Golly, can I lick the bowl now?"

Placing the pie in the oven, Sans looked back up at the goat and nodded.  "If you really want, kid," he conceded, "but I get the biggest slice." Grabbing some ketchup from the fridge, Sans leaned back against the counter and brought the bottle up to his mouth.  But before he could drink from the fresh container, he blinked an eye socket open and held it out.  "Want any?"

Asriel quickly shook his head and used his long tongue to lap up the mix, feeling rather disgusted whenever the skeleton drank straight ketchup like that--how did his mom see anything in him? "I'm good," he uttered.

"Suit yourself," Sans shrugged as he knocked the bottle back through the gap in his teeth, letting out a content sigh as he tasted it.  "Tori told me before she left that she and Frisk would be back around dinner time, so I was thinking about getting dinner from the Chinese restaurant down the street for all of us, unless you had something else in mind."

"That works," Asriel replied, fully well knowing that he wouldn't exactly be the best at making anything else. "I bet Frisk'll be really impressed with the great pie I made...and they'll boop my snoot~!" Asriel sighed dreamily and leaned back, blinking and feeling his cheeks heat up. "I never said that."

Sans couldn't help but let out a few chuckles at the daydreamer's look in Asriel's eye, closing his own and sipping on more ketchup.  "Sure you didn't, kid," he hummed, "I'm sure you didn't.  I'll bet your mom will be extra happy to see we didn't destroy the house either.  In fact...I guess besides the fuzzed up dough, we didn't make much of a mess, did we?"

"...Guess not." Asriel blinked and looked around, out of his daydream now and actively looking around. "That's surprising. At least we don't have to spend all day cleaning." The goat then turned to Sans and sighed, shaking his head. "How do you eat that stuff?"

Looking down at the bottle in his hand, Sans shrugged and attempted to recall his excuse.  "Well, back at Grillby's," he explained, "there weren't any liquids, since of course Grillbz is made of fire.  In fact, I didn't even have much of a taste for condiments at first, but then I eventually got used to it, and now look at me!" Sans slowly felt himself slip to the floor, sitting down and letting his head lean against the cabinets.  "Slugging down ketchup cuz it's one of the only ways I can remind myself there's something worth enjoying in this world.  Well, when my brother, Frisk, and Tori aren't around at least."

Asriel blinked as the skeleton fell to the floor, tilting his head--though they didn't actually get along very well, the goat couldn't deny that Sans was interesting. So interesting, in fact, that Asriel didn't understand half of what he said. "I see," he uttered, begrudgingly deciding to join him on the floor. "You really are short."

Surprised by the fact that the other joined him on the floor, it took a moment for Sans to register what he had even said.  "I am?" He blinked, looking down and then back up.  "Eh, both of your parents are tall though.  So tall.  So tall that Tori usually ends up doing most of the baking and cooking just because it's easier for her to reach things in this place.  Tall enough to clean high places too.  All I gotta do is scrub the bathrooms.  Being tall comes with too many responsibilities, I'd rather be short."

"You sure have a weird philosophy on things..." Nonetheless, Asriel leaned back a bit and hissed as his horns hit the counter, pulling himself forward a bit. "You're kinda lucky you're not a goat. Horns get in the way of everything."

"Well, it's not really hard to have things get in the way when you're a skeleton," Sans shrugged, "in fact, you tend to miss things more than anything else.  For example, I don't have any lips." And yet, he was capable of saying the sounds that required lip motions..."Yeah, sometimes I find even myself weird."

Asriel looked hard at the other and finally realized that he was talking to a skeleton--his mom was really dating a skeleton. "Yeah, that is pretty strange...wait. How do you...?" Yeah, he heard the weird sex noises often, but a skeleton was a skeleton--they didn't have dicks. "N-Never mind. I don't want to know."

"It's just magic," Sans answered quickly, feeling like he might as well help in avoiding semantics, "that's all you need to know.  'Course...I guess you have no problems.  Seeing how yourself and Frisk constantly keep saying you've got a massive goat wiener.  I always knew that kid was into hot animals, seeing how they kept getting hot dogs'n'cats from me even they had no room to hold them and managed to stack them all on their head."

Asriel slowly began to laugh, his lips curled into a smirk--finally, something to get his mind off of strange skeleton genitalia. "Frisk...can't believe they were a furry even before meeting me. Do they have some weird stacking kink, though...? Golly, that's weird."

He actually got a genuine laugh out of the kid?  Woah..."Yeah," he grinned slightly wider, eye sockets lowering, "I'm not sure what was up with that.  They kept calling me cheap for not placing a thirtieth dog on their head but it was at that point I was afraid I was waking something in them.  Something probably best left to you.  Maybe you could test it out...?  Eh, but...don't tell me if you do, or if you do, leave out any details."

It was then Asriel's cheeks flushed, another short laugh leaving him. "I'll keep that in mind," he replied, looking down and wondering how he could stand being this close to Sans without growing annoyed. Maybe...he wasn't all that terrible. "Just as long as you keep sparing the details between you and my mom."

"Y'know I do try," Sans defended himself, standing up slowly and heading over to the oven to check the pie, "because I really do get it.  I don't care to hear too much about you and Frisk either, seeing as not only they're my best friend, but...well..." Standing back up, he tossed the ketchup away and placed his hands back in his pockets.  "They're my kid, y'know?  I don't really think of myself as a dad, but they're definitely my kid."

"Is that why you're so protective over them?" Asriel curled up on the clean floor and watched as Sans walked over to check on the pie; it did make sense, though. Seeing as how he was practically pushed to the floor once he first saw Asriel going down on the human. "You don't have to be so worried about them, you know. Frisk's in good paws."

"PFFFT!" Sans clasped a hand over his mouth and let out a hearty chuckle at the expression.  "Oh, man," he rolled his eyes and leaned on the counter again, "y'know, Frisk told me you were bad when it came to naming things, but I definitely think you got your mom's sense of humor.  Nah, the more time goes on, the more I trust Frisk to be able to take care of themselves.  And as for you...well...I'm sure you already know how capable they are."

He...really wasn't even trying to make a joke, but he wouldn't deny it--Sans was actually laughing at his literal statement. "They're capable," Asriel stated, snickering. " _Very_ capable. You shouldn't worry yourself so much about them, Sans." Asriel looked over at the skeleton and let out a sigh; since when did sitting here and having a conversation with Sans seem like a good idea?

Bouncing back and forth on his heels, Sans looked towards the living room and the timer he'd set up for the pie. "Welp," he uttered, the air growing oddly silent, "we've got time, and I was planning on starting up this new sci-fi show that I hear is pretty good. You wanna join me?"

Sci-fi wasn't the most interesting to him, but it wouldn't hurt to watch something with Sans. "Sure," he replied, standing himself up and making his way over to the living room. "When d'you think Mom and Frisk will be home?"

"Mm," Sans looked back at the clock on the cable box as he flicked on the TV, "maybe in about four hours? I know it's a long time, but I know one of their stops is a spa which they both desperately need." Soon, the skeleton started the first episode of the show and watched with eager eyes, especially as he saw it took place in space. "Wow...being that close to the stars..."

"Eh, we have Mettaton." Asriel curled up and buried his face into the pillow, knowing that he most certainly had lots of time before those two came back. Oddly enough, he was choosing to spend his time with Sans, instead of doing something productive like masturbating to the scent of Frisk still on his pillows. "We're always close to a star."

Sans rolled his eyes and watched intently, instantly wrapped up in the universe of the show. "You keep your nearby stars in the now," Sans sighed, his usual joking nature transforming into something different, "let me live in the future that's as far as we can possibly go. That's where I wanna be."

"I'm fine with being here, actually. There's a lot of stuff you miss when you're stuck being a flower for the majority of your life." Asriel looked over at the television screen and then back to Sans, shaking his head. "I...sorry for killing you in that one timeline. It seemed interesting." He always found it weird how he bled, though--or was that just ketchup?

Sans went quiet, focusing on the television until he decided to look back over at Asriel. "If you hadn't," he spoke quietly, "none of us would've been free. You're the one who stopped yourself. You're the one who freed us and gave yourself up. And then you came back despite it all. You're pretty much the exact opposite of me...you were always so active and vying to get everything you could, and then when you had it all...you gave it away." Sans looked back towards the screen, his expression unreadable. "But I avoided everything. I always waited until it was all done for...and then I gave it my all. Your approach was the one that lead to this timeline so...you clearly have the one-up there."

Wow. Was...Sans really admitting that Asriel was, well, something great? Something with potential? "I...no, your approach is perfectly fine--it's good we're different in that way." Why did he have the sudden urge to...reassure him, in a way? This was weird. Really weird. They were -bonding-. "No matter what, you're much better than I am. Killing isn't a very fun thing to do."

"I know," Sans nodded, leaning back and feeling a weight off his chest, "heh...I'm no good at killing anyway. Only one damage, y'know? And I can only go for so long..." Leaning forward as soon as action started, Sans placed his chin in his hands. "Does science really not interest you at all? Or is it just space that's not interesting to you?"

"A bit of both," he spoke with a sigh, leaning back and looking at the television nonetheless. "Or maybe it's just the whole action part. I'm...not really big on violence, believe it or not. Maybe it's because of my Dad." Ah, Asriel hadn't seen Asgore in a bit...maybe they could get together sometime. He really did miss the goat.

"Your dad's a good guy," Sans admitted, shrugging, "he's got his heart in the right place, even after all his mistakes, which weren't many but ended up being huge in turn. Same with you, isn't it? Though...your mistake was one of a good intention that went down the wrong path."

Asriel nodded and let a small sigh escape him, leaning back a bit. Man, had he...really been through a lot. Then again, though, everyone in this house did. "It was...but then, Frisk fell down and saved me. They...they saved everyone. I think they're the only real hero here." No matter what, he would forever be glad that he could live an almost normal life with his family again--all because of Frisk.

"There's no denying what that kid's done," Sans sighed, scratching his chest lightly through his shirt, "but the fact they've given us this...there really isn't enough we can do for them, is there?" Suddenly, the timer went off, causing the skeleton to pause the video and jump to his feet, rushing into the kitchen and opening the oven.  "Hey, it looks good!" Grabbing his mitts, Sans pulled out the pie and stepped up on his stepstool, placing it on the counter.  "Whatya think?"

"Mm...that smells really good." Asriel's eyes widened as he looked over at Sans, tilting his head. "Do...you think we can eat some now, or do we have to wait for the others to get back?" In truth, he really wanted to take a piece of that delicious Butterscotch Cinnamon pie right then and there--still keeping the biggest piece for Sans, of course.

"We gotta wait for it to cool," Sans reminded, raising an eye socket as he wagged a finger, "besides...do you really want Frisk and T--your mom to come home to a pie that's already been dug into?  I'm eager too...and that smell..." Snapping himself out of his hypnosis, Sans recalled suddenly that...well, they had plenty of time.  And leftover ingredients..."If you can find a small pan, maaaaaybe we can get ourselves a little side-treat, if you want."

Asriel wasted no time in moving over to the cupboard and grabbing a pan, glad that he at least knew where his mom kept her baking supplies. "This'll work," he spoke, grinning from ear to ear. This was sure to be really good...just for the two of them, too! For once, sharing something with Sans didn't seem all that terrible. "Let's get baking."

Letting out a chuckle, Sans instantly hopped to getting the measuring cups out.  "Sounds good," he agreed, pulling Asriel over, "now, I know you're not a fan of science, but that's what baking is in a way.  But it's simple, and it's a lot of fun too.  To start off..."

 

He wasn't the best at baking, but he most definitely enjoyed doing so--even having Sans with him to guide him was...nice.. "It's definitely fun," Asriel uttered, sitting down in the nearby chair once the much smaller pie was in the oven. "It's...even really fun having someone to bake with you. I guess I can say that this day was productive...?"

Sans nodded as he sat backwards on his chair, leaning his jaw on the back of his hand.  "It really was," he agreed, "completely out of character for me.  But then, us getting along is really the strangest thing about today." Tapping a few fingers on the back of the chair, Sans closed his eyes and opened them lower once more.  "A good strange, though."

A good strange. "I couldn't agree more," Asriel spoke with a laugh, leaning back and wondering how it got to this point. Normally, he baked with one of the others in his home, all excluding Sans--and for once, he was actually productive in doing something. "This was...nice. Maybe we can bake again after this...?"

"Yeah," Sans agreed, scratching the back of his neck, "it was really nice to actually have the pie made this time...not even just one, but two!!  Tori generally, ah, wants to bake on her own, and Frisk and I usually end up just messing everything up, even if we know what we're doing." Taking a whiff of the sweet air, Sans instantly relaxed further in his chair.  "Who woulda thought we'd actually end up being able to make 'em in the end?"

"Not me," Asriel admitted, laughing a bit and leaning back. "You're the most efficient baking partner I've had. I...don't normally end up getting to the baking part. Batter is normally eaten or...it gets everywhere." He didn't really want to elaborate on anything, honestly--it was because he was too easily distracted that he couldn't bake very well. "I can't wait to try some of the pie, though..."

"Yeah," Sans agreed, "should be done a lot faster than the other.  Though, of course, when it comes out, it'll be piping hot, so we should probably wait like maybe two seconds before slicing into it.  Oh, that reminds me..." Opening the fridge, Sans pulled out a can of whipped cream, giving it a good shake.  "We can't have any pie without this!  And there're some cherries too if you wanted those."

Asriel smiled and nodded, already feeling himself begin to drool from  the scent of the pie in the oven. "Cherries are a definite," he replied, feeling himself yawn a bit. "Man, I'm starved--guess I'm just having pie for dinner." He didn't exactly have a problem with it, though. Pie for dinner was always nice.

Sans chuckled and shrugged, finding he'd have to agree.  "It's not everynight we get this," the skeleton remarked as he grabbed the cherries as well, "so we oughta treat it like a real treat." The timer went off and soon both of them rushed to the oven, opening it up.  "Stand back!" Sans grinned as he put the oven mitts on, pulling out the pie and putting it on the counter next to the bigger pie.

Asriel's eyes widened as he looked to the smaller pie, his stomach grumbling--this was only for the two of them...this was literally the best thing that could happen tonight. "Ah...that looks...really good. Let's hope that it cools quickly." He looked over at Sans and slowly let himself laugh, shaking his head. "I can't believe today was enjoyable."

Looking back up at the goat, Sans couldn't help but smile even wider than normal.  "You're not alone," Sans agreed, getting on the stepstool and dipping a knife into the pie, cutting it up, "I really didn't expect today to be so...fun." Once he plated the two halves of the pie, each cut as evenly as possible, the skeleton sprayed whipped cream on his slice and then Asriel's.  "D'ya wanna plate the cherries?" He asked, handing over the jar.  "I, uh...have trouble opening it."

Asriel nodded and giggled a bit, opening the jar and placing the cherries onto the pie delicately. "Time to eat!" He licked his lips and instantly dug in, the whipped cream getting all over his face--he didn't really care, though. It was just as amazing as he'd anticipated. "A-Ah, so good...so good...or maybe I'm just really hungry. But golly, this is amazing!"

Sans couldn't help but collapse into a fit of giggles, trying to eat the pie with a fork as he watched the goat give in to animal instincts.  "Woah!" He cried out, leaning back on the counter.  "You weren't kidding...Welp, y'know what they say--everything tastes better when ya make it yourself."

"You've got that right," Asriel moaned as he continued to stuff the piece of pie into his mouth, shuddering and leaning on the table a bit now. "Ten out of ten, best pie in the world...maybe we don't even have to share it with the others...maybe we can just...hide it..." He knew that wouldn't really work, but he was too high on the delicious taste of the Butterscotch Cinnamon pie to notice.

Looking at the empty tin, Sans blinked and turned on the sink.  "Well," he remarked as he put in the smaller pan, watching as it got filled, "it's not like Frisk and Tori have to know we already had some pie."

"Yeah," Asriel replied, smiling a bit. "They'll never know."

"Man," Sans looked up at Asriel with a gleeful look in his eyes, "we're geniuses!  We get pie twice today!"

"Heck yeah!" Asriel gave the other a high five and kept his smile maintained. "Pie!!!!"

 

Unbeknowst to them, both Toriel and Frisk had made themselves comfortable in watching the two pig out from outside the kitchen window, wondering how on Earth they hadn't seen them when they first arrived. "How...odd. They're getting along! Isn't this something out of the ordinary, Frisk?"

"It is," Frisk spoke in their standard stoic manner, "though I'm not sure that rewarding them with more pie is really worth it." In truth, they were quite jealous that they'd each gotten the equivalent of three slices of pie each...Even if they did make it.  "...At least they didn't make a mess, like I thought they would if they were ever forced to make pie together."

"That is true." Toriel let out a small laugh and looked over at Frisk, patting their head. "But it's normally you and Asriel that make the biggest mess when baking, isn't it?"

Returning the high five, Sans chuckled as his eyes wandered to the outside...only to feel his smile drop entirely.  "Oh shit."

"Don't swear," Asriel huffed, walking over to the other and finally noticing the two outside. "Oh."

Noticing they were noticed, Frisk waved to Asriel and Sans with a smug grin on their face.  "I guess we do," they hummed, "but we clean up the best.  These two get pretty into their bonding time, don't they?"

"Indeed they do," Toriel hummed, waving to the others and showing nothing but a gleeful smile on her face. "We'll be inside in a moment, boys~ Do make sure to hide the smaller pie pan!"

"C-Can...do...Mom..."

**Author's Note:**

> hello friend leave a comment if you enjoyed or w/e <3


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